Green Orbits

Usually I would never buy a 3-pack of gum, because what are the chances that I’ll still like that kind after not just one, or two, but three whole packs of it? Well I found a kind that I really, really like. It’s called Orbit, and it’s green, and I love it. I’ve bought it twice in a row now, so I thought it was time to splurge on the 3-pack. It costs less than twice as much to buy three instead of one, you know. So if you love the gum that much, it’s a good idea, right?

Well, here’s the catch. I didn’t actually read the label when I bought the gum. It was green, and it was the right shape, and Eclipse sounded right, so I didn’t even think about spending the energy to make sure Eclipse actually meant Orbit. I was WAY off! I bought this gross kind that just tastes like a rubber explosion of nutra-sweetened Binaca. And now I have 35 pieces left! What am I going to do with 35 pieces of nasty gum, with stupid little hard candy shells? What's with the shells, anyway? What are they hiding? What's so secretive about the inside of the gum that they have to cover it with a hard, white shell that disappears after two chews?

I can’t throw it away, because that would be wasteful. And I can’t just go buy a new 3-pack of the kind I love, because that would be like rewarding myself for my carelessness. I have to punish myself, so the next time I reach for a 3-pack, or even a single pack, I remember this day and do the research before just wasting money on nasty gum.

Does anyone want three packs (minus one piece) of green Eclipse gum?