Generally speaking, I’m not much of a vomiter. I don’t get the flu very often and when I do, I usually just get a stomachache that lasts for a day. When I was younger, I used to throw up occasionally, but I can’t remember a time that I threw up more than once during a single flu episode.
Until last week…
Thursday night I started feeling sick, but I figured I could sleep it off and feel better in the morning—you know, the way it always works. I soon found out that this time was different. Starting at 5:00 a.m. Friday, I threw up once every hour for five hours. Then I made the mistake of going to work, because my job is so important that I can’t miss a day, even if I’m sicker than I’ve ever been in my entire life. Or because I couldn’t afford to take a day of sick leave because I already used all of my time off for the next 10 years when I went to Hawaii for Christmas. Or maybe because my weekly e-newsletter goes out on Fridays and I haven’t told anyone else how to cover for me yet. Whatever the reason, it was a mistake to go to work because that meant driving...in the car...where there is no toilet. I didn’t even think to bring a bucket.
So after I stayed at work for about 45 minutes, five of which were spent in the bathroom doing you-know-what AGAIN, I hopped in the car and went home. I didn’t make it all the way home, though, before the urge came again. And this time there was nothing to puke in. I didn’t even have time to pull over or open the window or dump out the contents of my purse or take off my shoe. I threw up my own lap, while I was driving. Who does that? Even though no one was around, it was the most embarrassing, humiliating moment ever. So instead of keeping it to myself, I went home and called everyone I knew and then posted it on the Internet.
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
Thursday, January 13, 2005
The Devil Box
I grew up in a house where we didn't watch TV. We had a television, but we didn’t have cable or whatever it is that you need in order to watch actual TV shows, except on a few rare occasions when my dad pulled some kind of illegal stunt and turned on the TV for general conference. We could watch videos, but we couldn’t watch TV.
It wasn't like my parents thought the TV was equivalent to Satan and watching it would turn us into corrupted little devil-worshippers, because we were free to watch TV all we wanted at our friends' houses. It was just a big waste of time, and my mom didn't need additional distractions to take us away from practicing our musical instruments.
I had to practice my violin for 1 ½ hours every day, and it usually took me at least 4 hours to play those 90 minutes worth of music. My friends would call at 2:30 to see if I could play, and I would always ask my mom if I could, as if I didn’t already know the answer, and then reply to my friends that I needed to practice, but I could play at 4:00. Then my friends would call at 4:00 and I would embarrassingly say that I had only practiced for 20 minutes, so it would be 5:10 before I could play. And then at 5:10, I would beg my mother to let me play and promise to practice after I got home, but of course that never worked, so I would tell my friends that I still had another hour of practicing to do. I don’t even remember what could have possibly been entertaining enough to distract me from my violin for hours every day, but for sure it wasn’t the TV. Eventually I would finish my practicing and call my friends, but it was usually too late to play because it was time for dinner.
So anyway, I hated the fact that we couldn't watch television. I always swore that when I grew up, I would have loads of TVs and my kids would be allowed to watch them whenever they wanted. I also swore that my kids wouldn’t have to play musical instruments and if they didn't want to eat their broccoli, I wouldn’t make them.
It's weird how much things have changed since then. Now I’m sure I’ll force my kids to play musical instruments and eat broccoli. I still haven’t decided whether my kids will be able to watch TV (even though I now realize how brilliant my parents were), partially because I’m totally addicted to it now that I can actually watch it, and partially because it would take A LOT of persuasion for Ben to give up his precious TV.
Last night we sat down to watch Lost, because we love that show, and then we ended up watching Alias and that stupid wife-swapping show that comes on after Alias. We’re totally addicted! The TV totally sucked me in and made me believe that watching it was the most productive thing I could possibly be doing for 3 whole hours! And the worst part is that I’m sure the exact same thing will happen again tonight, only we’ll start out with the OC and hang out for whatever comes on in the 2 hours after the OC.
I'm starting to think that the TV is equivalent to Satan and I'm turning into a corrupted devil-worshipper.
It wasn't like my parents thought the TV was equivalent to Satan and watching it would turn us into corrupted little devil-worshippers, because we were free to watch TV all we wanted at our friends' houses. It was just a big waste of time, and my mom didn't need additional distractions to take us away from practicing our musical instruments.
I had to practice my violin for 1 ½ hours every day, and it usually took me at least 4 hours to play those 90 minutes worth of music. My friends would call at 2:30 to see if I could play, and I would always ask my mom if I could, as if I didn’t already know the answer, and then reply to my friends that I needed to practice, but I could play at 4:00. Then my friends would call at 4:00 and I would embarrassingly say that I had only practiced for 20 minutes, so it would be 5:10 before I could play. And then at 5:10, I would beg my mother to let me play and promise to practice after I got home, but of course that never worked, so I would tell my friends that I still had another hour of practicing to do. I don’t even remember what could have possibly been entertaining enough to distract me from my violin for hours every day, but for sure it wasn’t the TV. Eventually I would finish my practicing and call my friends, but it was usually too late to play because it was time for dinner.
So anyway, I hated the fact that we couldn't watch television. I always swore that when I grew up, I would have loads of TVs and my kids would be allowed to watch them whenever they wanted. I also swore that my kids wouldn’t have to play musical instruments and if they didn't want to eat their broccoli, I wouldn’t make them.
It's weird how much things have changed since then. Now I’m sure I’ll force my kids to play musical instruments and eat broccoli. I still haven’t decided whether my kids will be able to watch TV (even though I now realize how brilliant my parents were), partially because I’m totally addicted to it now that I can actually watch it, and partially because it would take A LOT of persuasion for Ben to give up his precious TV.
Last night we sat down to watch Lost, because we love that show, and then we ended up watching Alias and that stupid wife-swapping show that comes on after Alias. We’re totally addicted! The TV totally sucked me in and made me believe that watching it was the most productive thing I could possibly be doing for 3 whole hours! And the worst part is that I’m sure the exact same thing will happen again tonight, only we’ll start out with the OC and hang out for whatever comes on in the 2 hours after the OC.
I'm starting to think that the TV is equivalent to Satan and I'm turning into a corrupted devil-worshipper.
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