Oldest Child Syndrome

My brother, Jeff, is a high school choir teacher in Florida. One of his students sent him this gem as an end-of-year present to show his appreciation for Jeff's teaching style.

Repelling Vampires

Back home there’s a man named Kelly who throws neighborhood barbeques so fancy, they’re called soirées. The best part about a Kelly Soirée™ (for a less-than-enthusiastic carnivore like myself) is the garlic bread. It’s the perfect mix of dry and moist—not crumbly like a cracker, but also not cool and damp in the middle like mine always turns out when I don’t leave it in the oven long enough.

On New Year’s Day I was fortunate enough to attend a Kelly Soirée™, and even more fortunately, I was standing in the kitchen during the garlic bread preparation. Fearing that I might be kicked out of the kitchen if the Kelly family knew I was spying, I acted nonchalant, didn’t make eye contact with the bread, and didn’t ask for details.

Here’s what I know, though: they slice a loaf of French bread in half lengthwise, like they’re about to make a hoagie sandwich for a giant. They place both halves on the grill and turn them into toast. Then they bring the giant’s toasted hoagie bun inside and slice it into normal garlic bread-sized pieces. Finally, they fry the dry pieces of toast in a pan with a very shallow pool of melted garlic butter.

I’ve tried this a couple times in the last month and I’m totally addicted. I find myself making garlic bread in the middle of the day for no good reason. Who knew their secret recipe could be so easy?

Hallelujah

I was just sitting here thinking, “Where am I going to find holdbacks for my curtains that match the curtain rods I bought three years ago?” I already tried Target, Bed Bath & Beyond, and Wal-Mart with no luck.

Then I remembered that Ikea opens tomorrow. Now I can buy like 30 of these and still have money left over for an ice cream cone.

Fiesta

I went to a First Communion party for the two daughters of one of Ben’s co-workers on Saturday. It was my first First Communion party, so I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. Boy, was I in for a real treat.

Here are the top five coolest things about the party:

1. The entire night, all I ever had to say was “hola” and “gracias,” because I’m Spanish impaired.


2. We ate goat for dinner. For real—chivo. Okay, technically I didn’t eat goat for dinner, because I haven’t even eaten a hamburger since the summer of 2001 when my French host family fed me escargot, raw oysters, pâté, and tonic water all in one meal. Plus, what about Chewy and Gabby? Saturday’s dinner could have been their brother, for all I know.


3. The mariachi band, made up of accordion, guitar, electric bass, and snare drum, didn’t even use mics for their vocals. My voice is inaudible over an acoustic guitar without a mic—I can’t imagine what it must be like to have enough volume to be heard over an accordion and a snare drum.


4. About 20 little kids took turns sticking their fingers in the big, fancy cake before it was cut up and served for dessert. Their parents were watching from two feet away, but never said a word. I was never allowed to lick the frosting off the cake when I was little, so you can imagine my jealousy.


5. Check out these sweet party favors:

Future Academy Award Winner

Today I took Liam to get his blood tested so we can find out how severe his peanut allergy is. Apparently his veins weren’t very easy to poke, because it must have taken a good six hours to get the needle in. The nurse poked and prodded while Liam screamed, until finally a more experienced nurse came in and got the job done.

After it was over, Liam kept crying for a few minutes to let me know that my behavior was unacceptable and I should have never taken him there. I offered him his toy car, his teddy bear, and an Elmo sticker, but he was uninterested. Finally I told him that he could have some ice cream when we got home for being so brave.

It took him less than a second to stop crying and start signing “ice cream” when he heard my offer, and he continued licking his imaginary ice cream cone the entire way home. If I had known he was such a good faker, I probably would have told him he could have the ice cream for being such a drama queen. Brave, schmave.

Snickers Doesn't Satisfy

I’m the only girl I know who didn’t eat peanuts for the entire nine months of my pregnancy and the entire twelve months of nursing Liam. I’m even the only girl I know who intended to wait until Liam was three years old to give him his first taste of peanut butter. That means the poor kid has been eating plain butter and jelly sandwiches while all of the other kids were eating peanut butter and jelly. Everywhere I go, I make sure to tell people not to give Liam any nuts. When they ask if he’s allergic, I have to give the silly explanation that no, he’s not allergic as far as I know, but I’m not ready to find out yet. All because the EpiPen freaks me out.

Last weekend I took Liam to nursery in Colorado and forgot to ask the nursery leader not to give Liam any nuts. Surprise! He had peanut butter crackers and turned into a red, swollen ball of itchy hives.

It looks like he’ll be eating plain butter and jelly sandwiches for a long, long time.

Seth and Andi Sitting in a Tree

My brother-in-law got married on Friday, and my favorite part about the whole wedding was the bride and groom's matching watches.

Travel Tip

Ben’s family is planning a trip to Jerusalem this Christmas, but so far the cheapest flights anyone has found are $1,800. Ben’s uncle, who lives in Egypt and frequently flies internationally, had some great advice.

“Just wait until there is terrorist activity in the Middle East,” he said. “Then it’s easy to find cheap flights.”

For some reason, his advice didn’t make me all that anxious to find a cheaper flight.

Burt and His Bees

Remember, back in the ‘80s, when kids would show up for swimming lessons with a solid white nose because their sunscreen had zinc in it? I used to think those kids were so cool.

I recently got the lip balm version of that sunscreen.

It doesn’t contain zinc, but it somehow leaves my lips looking ‘80s-lifeguard cool. I really shouldn’t leave the house in it because I look like a clown, but it tastes so minty fresh I can’t help putting it on 30 times a day. It’s like chewing gum without having to move my teeth.

I can’t wait until somebody makes lip balm that tastes like cookie dough ice cream. I’ll be able to just stop eating all together.

Good Thing He Likes Baths Almost as Much as He Likes Yogurt

I've been buying strawberry yogurt in bulk because Liam eats so much of it. Sometimes he does a pretty good job of feeding himself.


Other times he forgets which end of the spoon goes in his mouth.


Sometimes he gets impatient with the spoon method and tries to drink the yogurt.


100% of the time he loves eating strawberry yogurt.