Twins

Am I the only one who thinks my sister and the lead singer of Unwritten Law look like twins?

Polka Dots Are So Hot Right Now

The shotgun ExerSaucer was a huge success, but it wasn’t nearly as exciting as these weird shoes I put on Liam today.


He couldn’t stop playing with them. During lunch he wouldn’t look away from his precious new shoes. Instead he just opened his mouth at random times and hoped a spoonful of food would be there, waiting to enter so he could swallow and go back to concentrating on the shoes.

I can’t believe I bought that silly ExerSaucer when I could have just as easily been awarded Mother of the Year by pulling out the polka-dotted, hand-me-down velcro shoes from the ‘80s a day early.

Calling All Moms

I was going to see if the Easter Bunny would be interested in bringing Liam an ExerSaucer this weekend. He's too antsy for his bouncy seat and he’s not interested in any of his old toys anymore. He’s not mobile yet, and I think it’s kind of frustrating for him. He just wants to be held all the time.

I need to find something that can keep him occupied and happy while I take a shower or vacuum or read a 500-page book. Is that too much to ask? I thought the ExerSaucer would be perfect, but then I noticed that all the pictures were of little, tiny newborn-ish babies. Am I too late? Is Liam too old for the ExerSaucer? If so, can anyone recommend a better toy for an immobile 7-month-old?

I'll Take the Health, Please

My beautiful friend Tami has had more health problems than any other 26-year-old I know…except her beautiful husband, Bryan. Between the two of them, they have had appendicitis, scoliosis, thyroid cancer, a ruptured spleen, endometriosis, that one disease that’s kind of like diabetes only for skinny, healthy people…the list goes on.

I just found out that this week their beautiful baby had to have a blood transfusion because his red blood cell count was too low.

I called Ben to tell him the sad news, and I asked him if he thought there was some form we filled out before we were born—one where we checked a box for either good looks or good health.

His response was, “Are you calling me ugly?”

Somebody Stop the Birds

Last year when spring rolled around, a family of birds started building a nest under my roof. They were so cute—I loved watching them work together. I liked the little chirping sounds they made outside the office window in the morning. I almost considered putting out some birdseed or something.

This year the birds are back, only now the office is a nursery and those once-cute chirping sounds wake my baby up at 6:00 a.m. I can't stand those birds this year. They’re loud and annoying and not cute at all. Why do they need to make all that noise before the sun comes up, anyway? Don’t they know we’ve got a schedule to keep?

Come Listen to a Prophet's Voice

This is what watching Conference looks like at our house:



At least Seth dresses up for the occasion.

Why Everyone Should Have a Cell Phone

Don’t you hate it when the short-term parking lot at the airport is full and you told your sister-in-law you would meet her at the baggage claim and if you park in long-term parking you have to take the shuttle and you’re already running late so you leave your car unattended in the passenger loading zone for exactly 10 seconds to run in and yell, “Meet me outside!” but when you get back to your car, an airport bike cop is writing you a ticket and reprimanding you for breaking the law?

I hate that.

What's a Percentile, Anyway?

If Liam is in the 11th percentile for height, but his head is in the 95th percentile, does that mean he’s going to look like Jack when he grows up?

I hope so.

Crying Is for Sissies

You can tell a lot about a baby's future by how he takes his shots. I can already tell that Liam is going to be tougher than all of the other kids. He’ll probably steal their lunch money and beat them up after school. He takes his shots like a champ.

I heard all kinds of horror stories about immunizations. New moms told me how they sobbed right along with their babies as they got their shots. Dads told me how they held their babies tightly so they couldn’t kick their legs as they screamed bloody murder. “You’ll need to bring Ben to the appointments,” they said. “You won’t be able to do it alone.”

Even the pediatrician apologizes profusely every time Liam goes in for his shots. She gets out the special Bugs Bunny band-aids and whispers happy poems in his ears and then furrows her brow and bites her lip before she carefully sticks him with each tiny needle.

But my strong little man hardly even cries. He lets out a little whimper when the first needle goes in, and gets a tiny bit louder with each shot. Mostly he just shakes his little arms in defiance. But the second it’s over, I pick him up and he stops crying. He looks around like, “Who was crying? It wasn't me.”

I hope your kid doesn’t go to school with Liam, because my little tough guy will kick your kid’s trash.

The Messy Baby Food Stage

One of my biggest fears of being a mother has always been the messy baby food stage. You know the one where the baby spits his bright orange gooey food everywhere? Where he has a permanent messy face? Where the highchair has to be washed after every meal? Where the diapers start smelling really nasty? That stage. I knew that day would eventually come and it totally stressed me out.

I would look at pictures of my friends’ babies with food all over their faces and wonder how they knew their baby wasn't going to smear goo all over everything while they were taking the picture. The whole messy-faced-baby idea kind of freaked me out.

Maybe I didn’t have an accurate understanding of the baby food stage, or maybe it’s just different when the baby is your own, but yesterday Liam ate squash for the first time and I almost died of cuteness overload. I'm happy to announce that my fears of the messy baby food stage have completely disappeared.