Stay Away from Checkstand Four

Yesterday I got a bunch of grocery store ads in the mail. I looked through them to see where I should go shopping this week, since I live within a mile from about 17 different grocery stores. Smith’s had tomatoes for $1.29/pound, so I decided to give them a chance.

Little did I know, Elvis’s biggest fan (who also happens to be the world’s fastest talker) is a cashier at Smith’s. I pulled my cart up to checkstand 4 and started unloading my groceries, noticing that Elvis’s biggest fan and the woman in front of me were carrying on a friendly conversation. I waited patiently while EBF told her friend about her recent trip to Memphis, complete with more details than anyone would care to hear.

As her friend finished paying and started to leave, EBF started recounting her entire Memphis story to me. I soon realized that the woman in front of me was most likely a complete stranger and I had just fallen victim to her same punishment. I’m so bad at situations like this. When do you use “uh-huh” and when do you use “oh, really?” And how do you do it while making sure the cash register is recording the correct amounts?

It ended up going a little like this:

EBF: You could really feel Elvis’s presence there in his house…
Me: Uh-huh
EBF: He was pretty much bankrupt by the time he died…
Me: Oh, really?
EBF: His ex-wife sold the rights to his name for $200 million…
Me: Wow
EBF: This one time, he brought a little girl up on stage with him and gave her his $50,000 ring…
Me: Wait…did those bananas just ring up as $1.80/pound?
EBF: Our tour bus parked right across the street from his house…
Me: I’m sorry, I thought the bananas were $ .50/pound.
EBF: Yes, the bananas were $ .50/pound. Did I say that ring was worth $50,000? That was wrong. It was actually a $500,000 ring...

Eventually she had to take a breath, so I took the opportunity to say “thanks” and start running. Before I was too far away, though, I heard her say to the man behind me, “I took this trip to Memphis last summer...”