In Loving Memory

Dear Laptop,

I realize that you were like 100 years old in computer years, and that when I found you on Craig’s List I knew you would be a short-term member of our family, but I just wasn’t prepared for how much it would hurt when you died this weekend.

I’ve spent more time with you in the last few months than I have with any other inanimate object. Except maybe my bed.

I was lying when I told you that I only needed you to play Liam’s favorite Baby Einstein DVD while we flew to California a few months ago and to give me Internet access while I worked from home for a few months. I have grown to depend on you, Laptop. I needed you for so much more. I still need you.

Please come back.

Sincerely,
Kim

A Little Too Ironic

Earlier today I poured cake batter into a silicone pan and stuck it in the oven. Two seconds later I remembered that I forgot to grease the pan, so I took it out of the oven and dumped the batter back into the mixing bowl. I actually turned the pan completely inside out and scraped every last inch of batter back into the bowl. That’s when I decided that silicone bakeware was the coolest invention ever—it flips inside out!

Two seconds after I finished marveling at its ability to flip inside out, I remembered my second favorite thing about silicone bakeware—it’s nonstick and doesn’t need to be greased.

Conquering the Provo Platinum

Every time the list of blogs on Provo Platinum gets longer, I feel like I’m getting older. With his rapidly-growing list of friends, it seems like I hardly even know Be anymore, even though he just came over last weekend and confirmed that he really hasn’t changed by attaching his belt to a tree in our backyard and then running to see if he could pull the stump out.

Sometimes he even removes links from the list, but still it continues to grow. What about those of us who are used to the old list—the one that had the White Skinned Goddess on it? Are we supposed to type in her address manually every time we want to see pictures of that Florida chick’s baby?

I’m kind of jealous that Bryant keeps making new friends while all of my friends keep moving away. And how come he always gets to date hot, smart girls even though he lives in his grandma’s basement and has a mullet?

His name has been shortened from Be to B, and I wonder if this new generation of Provo-ites even knows that his nickname came from Kobe Bryant.

I was starting to feel overwhelmed trying to keep up with the Provo Platinum scene, but then last night I decided to give it one more chance. And that’s when I realized that I know a lot more people on that list than I thought I did. Of the 38 blogs currently listed, I personally know 12 writers and have met at least 3 more. That’s not too bad, right? I mean, it’s still not even half, but it’s better than the 2 or 3 that I thought I knew.

Plus, I realized that some of the people I thought were strangers were actually people like Ben’s cousin Jason and Karen the hair-cutter. I bet most of the people on that list have never even met those guys. And what about people like my best friend Becca and the Daily Kirk? I’m pretty sure I know those guys even better than Bryant does.

So forget it, Provo Platinum. I refuse to be overwhelmed by you anymore. I can totally keep up with the list. You can’t break me!

Greediness Never Pays Off

A few weeks ago at Ben’s work party we played Deal or No Deal. It probably wasn’t quite as stressful as the TV version since our game stopped at $10,000 instead of $1,000,000, but it was still crazy to see how fast greediness took over people. One couple went home with only $150 because they couldn’t stop when there was still a tiny chance of making the big bucks.

Incidentally, the greed monster came to visit me last week. I told Ben not to get me anything for Mother’s Day because I wanted a pair of shoes and I wanted to pick them out myself. Then, without telling Ben, I also decided that I deserved a new CD for Mother’s Day—a CD that I had been talking about for a few weeks. So I bought myself the shoes and the CD and called myself an awesome mother.

But then Mother’s Day came. Apparently Ben thought I was even more awesome than I thought and that I deserved more than just the pair of shoes. He bought me Sam Bush concert tickets and also, remember that CD I had been talking about for a few weeks? The one that I bought myself without telling him? He downloaded it off iTunes and made a CD for me. Sweet, huh?

So now I have two copies of that CD and neither of them is returnable. And it’s not even the world’s greatest band. But the thing that gets me the most is that if I hadn’t been so greedy, I would have that CD for NOT the $22.98 we both spent on it, and NOT the $15.99 I spent on it, but the measly $6.99 Ben spent downloading it off iTunes.

Babies Are So Much Cooler than Puppies

If you’re trying to decide between getting a puppy or having a baby, I would highly recommend the baby. When your puppy is 10 years old, he’ll still poop on the lawn. But when your baby is 10 years old, he probably won’t. And even though you can teach your puppy to do fun tricks like sit or roll over, you can teach your baby to do even better tricks like dance or advertise Quiznos sandwiches.

You might argue that puppies are better because they can roll around under the coffee table and chew on your shoes. But guess what? Babies can do that too.

Only in Dreams

Last night I dreamed that I was shopping at a really nice art gallery wearing only my underwear. When I woke up a flood of emotions washed over me.

First there was relief that I wasn’t really wearing only my underwear in public.

Next there was nostalgia as I remembered my childhood dreams of showing up at school in only my underwear. Ahh, the good old days.

Finally there was confusion about why I thought I could decorate my house with art from an expensive gallery when in real life my house is decorated with shoddy crafts that I painted on the picnic table in the backyard. Only in my dreams…

Happy Birthday to Me

One of the cool things about marrying into Ben’s family is that you get what you want for your birthday. There’s no surprise about it—you make a list of what you want, maybe even pick stuff out or try it on, and that’s what you get. If a sibling asks what you want, you can tell him/her one specific thing and that’s all. You don’t even have to give choices to create a tiny element of surprise.

Growing up in my family, I rarely made lists or even gave suggestions. Birthdays were all about the surprise. Even if I had no need or desire for a purple sweatshirt with dolphins on the front, it became the coolest thing I had ever seen when I opened it on my birthday just because I wasn’t expecting it.

As much fun as it was to always wonder what the next birthday would bring, I was excited to adopt Ben’s birthday style and trade the surprise for getting exactly what I wanted. Sure it sounds greedy, but let’s be honest—my love can easily be bought with birthday presents.

Check out all the cool stuff Ben gave me this year:

A canvas and acrylic paints
One of these cool chopper things so I don't have to cry when I chop onions anymore
The Elizabethtown soundtrack
And he even surprised me with roses!

"Chocolate Covered Anchovies!"

Ben’s sister, Monica, has a baby two months younger than Liam. His name is Tyson and he looks exactly like Ben did when he was a baby.


Tyson is a lot more aware of his surroundings than Liam—especially new smells. Sometimes after Monica has just eaten something, she blows softly on Tyson’s face and then tells him what the smell is. She’ll blow and then say, “Mint!” or “Onions!” or “Cherry limade!” He inhales deeply and gets this excited look on his face like it’s Christmas morning.

Tonight after dinner Ben was playing with Liam in the family room. From the kitchen I heard an enormous burp, followed by, “Peaches!”

Twins

Am I the only one who thinks my sister and the lead singer of Unwritten Law look like twins?

Polka Dots Are So Hot Right Now

The shotgun ExerSaucer was a huge success, but it wasn’t nearly as exciting as these weird shoes I put on Liam today.


He couldn’t stop playing with them. During lunch he wouldn’t look away from his precious new shoes. Instead he just opened his mouth at random times and hoped a spoonful of food would be there, waiting to enter so he could swallow and go back to concentrating on the shoes.

I can’t believe I bought that silly ExerSaucer when I could have just as easily been awarded Mother of the Year by pulling out the polka-dotted, hand-me-down velcro shoes from the ‘80s a day early.