Ben and I celebrated our six year wedding anniversary this weekend. And when I say celebrated, I actually mean observed. We decided not to give each other presents this year because no matter how cool the present I receive is, it’s not worth picking out and spending money on the present I give. I’m selfish and Ben is indifferent, so it works out perfectly.
In honor of our easy anniversary, I’ve decided to tell the Internet the secret to our easy marriage. The feminist in me is a little embarrassed, but my mom is the one who shared it with me and she has more feminism in her than I have, so here goes…
When I found out I was pregnant with Liam, I was pretty stressed about how my easy life and perfect marriage were going to change. Ben and I were pretty independent—not the type to ask each other for help. One night on the phone with my mom I voiced my concerns about how stay-at-home moms and working dads scheduled evening diaper changes, baths, meals, etc. Were we supposed to take turns? Make a job chart? How would we make sure we’re each doing our share of the work without having to ask each other for help? (Did I mention that I’m selfish?)
My mom’s response was this: Instead of planning on doing 50% of the work when Ben’s home, plan on doing 100%. Then, when Ben helps out, you’ll always be grateful.
This advice has made my marriage so easy. I plan on doing everything myself, which means I never have to ask for help, and I’m always pleasantly surprised when Ben steps in to help. I plan on doing 100% of the work, and I only end up doing 60%.
See? Piece of cake. I dare you to try it.
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
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9 comments:
Happy six year anniversary! That is good advice. Isn't is crazy how kids kindof force that selfishness right out of us. Maybe that's part of why we have them - to force us to stop thinking about ourselves for a change! I know I've noticed my selfish tendencies being pushed aside for Maisey. Thanks for the advice.
Well I was pleasantly surprised with the fact my husband was doing 10% of the work, until I read this blog post and heard Ben is doing 40%! Now I don't think I will ever be pleasantly surprised! :)
Wow I can't believe you guys don't ask each other for help. Dru and I are always asking each other to help out with different things. I love it. We end up doing it by ourselves and when asked as we're both different people who think differently.
We've talked about our expectations of each other and things are all good.
Isn't it funny how different we all are yet how amazing we each know our marriage is?
Whatever works right!?!
you guys should get a husband like mine, who does ALL the work. yeah, according to him, all I do is sit around on the couch and eat bon bons all day just waiting for him to get home and cook and clean and take care of kids. i must be in a bon bon induced coma, because i can't even remember eating the bon bons, and seriously? i'd like to remember that.
Hmmm. Okay. I'll try.
I have to go to the temple AT LEAST once a month to be a happily married mommy. Otherwise I'm a miserable witch (even though my husband also does 100% of the work).
Anyway, I'm so glad you guys had a happy anniversary.
What are you doing on the 4th?
GOOD ADVISE KIM! Hey I wanted to invite you to our baby blessing, but I forgot to do it and don't have your number now and My mom isn't home to get it for me. It is at 9 am at our church in Spanish Fork Just off center street it is an older church and you can't miss it. Come if you want we will have lunch after. love ya
Sounds way better than the "nagging plan" that I've been trying for the past 11 years! I'll give 'er a go!
I definitely should try that...
And I LOVED that dance routine last week from SYTYCD! I am a Tabitha and Napoleon fan!!!
Would you please call Kathryn and talk to her about how your secret has improved your marriage.
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