The Messy Baby Food Stage

One of my biggest fears of being a mother has always been the messy baby food stage. You know the one where the baby spits his bright orange gooey food everywhere? Where he has a permanent messy face? Where the highchair has to be washed after every meal? Where the diapers start smelling really nasty? That stage. I knew that day would eventually come and it totally stressed me out.

I would look at pictures of my friends’ babies with food all over their faces and wonder how they knew their baby wasn't going to smear goo all over everything while they were taking the picture. The whole messy-faced-baby idea kind of freaked me out.

Maybe I didn’t have an accurate understanding of the baby food stage, or maybe it’s just different when the baby is your own, but yesterday Liam ate squash for the first time and I almost died of cuteness overload. I'm happy to announce that my fears of the messy baby food stage have completely disappeared.

Kilan

Last month I made my annual trip to Ikea and saw this bedspread that I really liked.

I didn’t buy it because it was my first time seeing it, it wasn’t on my shopping list, I wasn’t in the market for a new bedspread, and I didn’t have room for it in my suitcase. It’s excuses like these that make me want to punch myself in the face.

I can’t stop thinking about that blanket and I live at least 60 billion miles from the nearest Ikea. I’ve been to 15 different stores looking for a replacement, but Bed Bath & Beyond and Target don’t have anything like it.

Now I’m going to have to plan another trip to California. How can one store have such control over me?

Benihana Shares Your Sorrow

The coolest thing about Benihana is not that someone comes to your table and cooks your food right in front of you. It’s not even that he jokes about the scallops coming from the Great Salt Lake or that he tosses a shrimp tail from his spatula into the top of his chef hat. It’s that you can send greeting cards from their website.

Check out our menu! Find a restaurant near you! Send an e-greeting?

My Girlfriend Likes UL and DHC

Two Unwritten Law concert tickets: $36
Service charge for two Unwritten Law concert tickets: $12
Parking for Unwritten Law concert: $7
Babysitter for time spent at Unwritten Law concert: $40

One baby-less night out with Benny: priceless

Stay Away from Checkstand Four

Yesterday I got a bunch of grocery store ads in the mail. I looked through them to see where I should go shopping this week, since I live within a mile from about 17 different grocery stores. Smith’s had tomatoes for $1.29/pound, so I decided to give them a chance.

Little did I know, Elvis’s biggest fan (who also happens to be the world’s fastest talker) is a cashier at Smith’s. I pulled my cart up to checkstand 4 and started unloading my groceries, noticing that Elvis’s biggest fan and the woman in front of me were carrying on a friendly conversation. I waited patiently while EBF told her friend about her recent trip to Memphis, complete with more details than anyone would care to hear.

As her friend finished paying and started to leave, EBF started recounting her entire Memphis story to me. I soon realized that the woman in front of me was most likely a complete stranger and I had just fallen victim to her same punishment. I’m so bad at situations like this. When do you use “uh-huh” and when do you use “oh, really?” And how do you do it while making sure the cash register is recording the correct amounts?

It ended up going a little like this:

EBF: You could really feel Elvis’s presence there in his house…
Me: Uh-huh
EBF: He was pretty much bankrupt by the time he died…
Me: Oh, really?
EBF: His ex-wife sold the rights to his name for $200 million…
Me: Wow
EBF: This one time, he brought a little girl up on stage with him and gave her his $50,000 ring…
Me: Wait…did those bananas just ring up as $1.80/pound?
EBF: Our tour bus parked right across the street from his house…
Me: I’m sorry, I thought the bananas were $ .50/pound.
EBF: Yes, the bananas were $ .50/pound. Did I say that ring was worth $50,000? That was wrong. It was actually a $500,000 ring...

Eventually she had to take a breath, so I took the opportunity to say “thanks” and start running. Before I was too far away, though, I heard her say to the man behind me, “I took this trip to Memphis last summer...”

A Surprise for Bryant's Refresh Button

It’s been almost four months since I’ve written anything. I’m a very bad blogger and I should be fired.

And speaking of getting fired…

I totally got laid off last week. I’ve been working part-time from home for the last six months. Apparently there’s not enough work to go around for the real writers who dress up and work full-time at the office, so they had to bring my e-newsletter back in-house. I guess at-home part-timers are lower on the totem pole than at-work full-timers. My boss was ever so cool about it, but it’s still rather embarrassing.

I’ll go ahead and continue to over-use hyphens and mention that for now the plan is to just be a stay-at-home mom.

And speaking of being a mom…

My baby is so dang cute. He’s six months old now…can you believe it? That’s practically old enough to walk and skip and answer the phone and give high fives. Okay, not really. But he does roll over counter-clockwise from his belly to his back. I know…so talented. I’m not sure what’s so scary about rolling clockwise, but just forget it. He won’t do it.

And don’t even try to distract him while he’s watching Baby Einstein. Godzilla could walk in the door and Liam wouldn’t blink an eye if Baby Einstein were on. That’s my boy—way to stay focused.

He’s eating solid foods now. He’s actually eating a tablespoon of rice cereal mixed with enough water to create the consistency of liquid soap. There’s nothing solid about it, but I'm still proud of my big boy.

The Important Stuff

This morning as we drove down the canyon on our way home from Snowbird, Ben and I were talking about our luggage that was getting snowed on in the back of the truck. Ben said, "Don't worry, though. I put all the important stuff inside, like the Xbox...and the baby."

Hard to Believe

Spiz is 7 weeks old today. Can you believe how fast the time has gone? He’s like a totally different person today than he was 7 weeks ago. He’s almost twice as big as he was and he’s at least ten times as happy. He has a lot less hair now, and even though his bald spots are kind of weird-looking, I think he looks a lot more normal than he did a few weeks ago.

Yesterday I was reading the blog of someone else with a 7-week-old baby and she said her baby is down to pooping only twice a week now. I find that very hard to believe because Spiz still poops every time he eats, which is about 7 times/day. Seriously, he’s the poop master.

I also find it hard to believe that Liam likes Ben more than he likes me, but he does. Ben is not a source of food like I am, he’s not even around during the day, and he plays with the baby like he’s a puppy instead of a newborn, but for some reason Spiz loves his dad to death and he cries when I take him away.

And since we’re on the subject of things that are hard to believe, I can’t believe how fun motherhood is. I thought keeping my job would help me keep my sanity, but I’m actually finding that work just gets in the way of my baby time. I would way rather spend my time making silly faces and high-pitched noises than sitting at the computer, because a smile from Liam is worth more than all of the money in the world.

It's Official

Spiz is here! He made his appearance on August 31st, weighing 8 lbs. ½ oz. People keep telling me that’s pretty big, but I didn’t feel a thing because of the wonderful drug named epidural. I considered naming the baby after the epideral, but he came out looking like an angry little leprechaun, so we named him Liam. Isn’t he so cute?

Coming Soon to a Hospital Near You

I’m 38 ½ weeks pregnant, which means Spiz could come any day now. I’m hoping he’ll wait at least until next Wednesday, because I’m scheduled to do some studio recording on Tuesday night. Does anyone else think it’s weird that even though my band broke up two months ago, we’re still recording an album? Honestly, who’s going to buy it? We haven’t even sold out of our last album yet, and we promoted that one at two years’ worth of shows. Even if we just divide up the CDs and I give my share of them away to everyone I know, I’ll still be left with 150 of them.

Yesterday my sister-in-law called to tell me that wet wipes were on sale at Macey’s and that I should stock up on them. I had totally forgotten about wet wipes. Now I’m wondering how many other things I should have that I don’t even know about. I thought I was all set to bring a baby home because I have a crib, a changing pad, and a few diapers. I think I’m in for a big, fat surprise.

This week I found out that I get to keep my job, but switch to part-time and work from home. This was pretty much the best news of my life, because I wanted to try being a stay-at-home mom but I thought I might get bored out of my mind. I know I’m selfish for being more concerned with my own level of boredom than the well being of my unborn child, but I just can’t help it. Anyway, I’m confident that Spiz will be cool with the situation. He’s been so polite for the last nine months, crammed inside my belly, I’m sure he’ll be the perfect little gentleman when he gets out.