10 Cool Things That Happened on My Christmas Vacation

1. John Peter Lewis (from American Idol) sang at my cousin’s wedding, because he’s my cousin’s cousin.
2. I swam with a giant sea turtle in Hawaii. I also swam with a nasty, mean-looking eel and tons of cool fish, but the sea turtle was the most exciting part.
3. My nephew (the cutest-little-momma’s-boy-in-the-world) started to like me a little bit, after ten days of persuasion and cookies.
4. My family spent Christmas Eve on our own private beach; singing Christmas carols, telling stories, and watching the waves roll in.
5. My brother gave me a pink ukulele for Christmas. What’s cooler than a pink ukulele?
6. On Christmas morning, Ben and I got to talk to his brother, Seth, who is on a mission in Florida. This was the view from our balcony while we were talking to him.
7. Be got an XBox for Christmas, which means we don’t have to buy him one for his wedding.
8. Ben found my $100 check from his mom, which I had lost and given up on two weeks earlier, in his wallet. You might be wondering how it got in his wallet. I am too.
9. The flight from Hawaii to LAX served strawberry-banana smoothie fruit juice. If you think it sounds gross, because room-temperature strawberry/banana-flavored water is nothing like a smoothie, you might be in for a real surprise. It was YUMMY!
10. The flight back to Utah was 4 ½ hours late because it was raining harder than Californians know how to handle. Since we got in at 4:00 a.m. yesterday, I went to work late and didn’t even feel one bit guilty about it.

Momma's Boy

In 13 minutes I’ll be heading to the airport, which means I’ll officially be on my way home. I’m so excited I could pee my pants. I haven’t seen my nephew in 1 ½ years, and he’s only 2 years old. Last time I saw him he was a baby, and now he’s a little boy who walks and talks and eats real food. I wonder if I’ll love him as much this time as I did 1 ½ years ago. I also wonder if he’ll hate me as much this time as he did 1 ½ years ago. Wish me luck on becoming friends with the cutest little momma’s boy in the world.

I Guess You Could Say We're Ford People

For about 8 months out of the year, I drive a teal Ford Escort. But, since I grew up in California and I still suck at driving in the snow, my husband and I switch cars during the winter because his car has 4-wheel drive. So for the past few weeks, I’ve been driving his Ford Explorer.

Last night when I walked out of Albertson’s, I walked straight to the teal Escort in the closest parking spot and stuck my key in the lock. I opened the door and got in, and then realized that it smelled strongly of cigarette smoke. I looked around for whoever was smoking, but I didn’t see anyone in the parking lot. As I was setting my bag of groceries on the floor of the passenger seat, I noticed a black and yellow hairbrush. I didn’t think we had a black and yellow hairbrush, so I started to get suspicious. Then I noticed a pack of Kool cigarettes on the dash, and I KNOW we don’t smoke Kool cigarettes. We’re Marlboro people. Or…I’ve never smoked a cigarette in my life and I just had to do a Google search to make sure I spelled “Kool” and “Marlboro” correctly. So my first thought was that Ben was cheating on me, because I still haven’t totally gotten used to this whole marriage thing, which is totally different from the whole dating thing (where it was perfectly fine to cheat on your boyfriend because you’ll probably just break up in a few months anyway). Then, my second thought was that I WAS SITTING IN SOMEONE ELSE’S CAR, which was followed closely by my third thought: Why in the world does the key to my Explorer unlock the door to someone else’s Escort??? And then my fourth thought: Is the owner of this car watching me, and is he/she about to pull out his/her gun and shoot me for trying to steal his/her car? Then I remembered that I’m not in L.A. anymore. I’m in Utah, so if the owner was watching me, he/she was probably on his/her way over to make sure I had a key to the ignition, and then send me on my way with some canned food and toys and a warm holiday greeting.

Green Orbits

Usually I would never buy a 3-pack of gum, because what are the chances that I’ll still like that kind after not just one, or two, but three whole packs of it? Well I found a kind that I really, really like. It’s called Orbit, and it’s green, and I love it. I’ve bought it twice in a row now, so I thought it was time to splurge on the 3-pack. It costs less than twice as much to buy three instead of one, you know. So if you love the gum that much, it’s a good idea, right?

Well, here’s the catch. I didn’t actually read the label when I bought the gum. It was green, and it was the right shape, and Eclipse sounded right, so I didn’t even think about spending the energy to make sure Eclipse actually meant Orbit. I was WAY off! I bought this gross kind that just tastes like a rubber explosion of nutra-sweetened Binaca. And now I have 35 pieces left! What am I going to do with 35 pieces of nasty gum, with stupid little hard candy shells? What's with the shells, anyway? What are they hiding? What's so secretive about the inside of the gum that they have to cover it with a hard, white shell that disappears after two chews?

I can’t throw it away, because that would be wasteful. And I can’t just go buy a new 3-pack of the kind I love, because that would be like rewarding myself for my carelessness. I have to punish myself, so the next time I reach for a 3-pack, or even a single pack, I remember this day and do the research before just wasting money on nasty gum.

Does anyone want three packs (minus one piece) of green Eclipse gum?

Birthday Bash

Today is my brothers’ birthdays. That’s two of them. And my sister and I share a birthday, too. So out of 5 kids (no twins), only 1 has his own birthday.

So here’s the thing: I come from a really disorganized family when it comes to celebrating birthdays and holidays. We have a Christmas tradition that makes life really easy—all of my siblings and I get each other gift certificates to Borders every year. That means I get 4 Borders gift certificates every Christmas. It’s pathetic, I know, but it’s so easy and we all love it. So back to my brothers…I haven’t sent either of them a birthday present yet, and probably neither of them is expecting anything (although it wouldn’t be weird for me to send them something a week late—it happens all of the time). Most of the time I send them something, but I don’t think they’ll be surprised if I don’t.

One brother lives in Florida (Jeff) and the other lives in California (Devin). Jeff is turning 29. He’s married with a kid, and I didn’t send his wife or kid anything for their birthdays last month. That’s where I went wrong. If I send Jeff something, it will be like saying he is more important to me than his wife or kid. Last year I sent his whole family a joint present in October, like a gift certificate or something. If I do that again, though, it will be like saying I celebrate all three of their birthdays on Jeff’s birthday. But if I don’t send them anything, it will be like telling my sister-in-law and nephew that I’m flaky and last year’s present was a one-time thing. I was hoping to change my ways.

I was hoping to send Devin something whether or not I send Jeff anything. Devin is turning 17 and he still lives at home, so I feel more obligated to get him something than I do to get Jeff something. But is that weird to get Devin something and pretend Jeff’s birthday never happened? It would be easier to just pretend neither of their birthdays ever happened. Maybe I’ll just wait until Christmas and surprise them with Borders gift certificates.

El Nuevo Trabajo

My new job is so great! I have a window, a closet, and a whiteboard in my office; there's a free gym at my work; and I'm wearing pants! I never had any of those things before. Plus, I get to use my brain for the first time since college. And my favorite part is that since I didn't know any of these people, I didn't have to tell them that I'm shy and unsure of myself. I just pretend that I'm assertive and confident, and I think they're buying it. I even conducted my own meeting. I'm having the time of my life!

Last weekend I got highlights in my hair. I feel like such a grown-up. My natural hair color is this ugly color of brown that should be any color other than what it is. I've dyed it black and red and dark brown, but I've never gone lighter because that's what moms do...at least in my world. But Ben's boss took us to Las Vegas and he gave all of the girls a $200 credit for the spa and salon. So I decided that since I'll probably never get highlights with my own money, I'll get them while they're free. And it cost the whole $200! I wouldn't recommend the Bellagio salon if you're cheap like me. So probably in a couple weeks I'll cover up these blond stripes with some other, darker color, but for now I'm a grown-up professional with a fun, fun job.

Seasons vs. The Sea

Ever since we bought a house with a front porch, Ben and I love to go out and sit on it. You can call us trashy if you want, but for some reason it's our new favorite thing. So far we haven't brought the banjo out with us, so we're not totally trashy, right? Plus, it's the only place that our cell phones consistently work, and we don't have a land line, so that's where we go to make phone calls. Well anyway, last night we were sitting on the front porch when the coolest lightning show ever started. Seriously, it was amazing. At times like that, I wonder how people like my family can live their entire lives in southern California.

Before I left for college, I thought I had the most perfect life ever. I grew up in the second safest city of its size in the whole USA. The weather was always perfect. We didn't have air conditioning and we didn't need it. We rarely used the heater. We lived 8 miles from the beach and 1 1/2 hours from the ski resorts. Sure, we took vacations, but it was usually in the summer so I never witnessed anything incredible. But then I moved to Utah and I learned some amazing things about Earth. The leaves actually change colors in the fall, and then fall off in the winter! And the snow really comes down in tiny, intricate, little snowflakes! And then in the spring, little tiny blossoms appear and it really looks like popcorn is popping on the apricot trees! Who knew? And I could have gone my whole life just being content in southern California, never witnessing an incredible thunderstorm. I'm not saying I'll never move back there, but I'm going to have to see a lot more places before I commit to one for life.

Two Weeks' Notice

Check me out - two days in a row! I'm like a blogging maniac. Well I had a job interview yesterday. They offered me a job, and I took it. So today I'm giving my two weeks' notice...not just to my boss, but to my reader(s). I don't know what the Internet usage rights are like there, but I'm really hoping my next job isn't as boring as my current job. I would love to be so busy at work that I don't even have time for blogging. I would love for 8 hours to feel like 8 hours instead of 26 hours. So we'll see what the future holds.

The good news is that I'll be making more money and I'll be commuting in the opposite direction of traffic. Lucky! The bad news is that I don't get to jam on Thursdays at lunchtime anymore. (There's a bunch of old men that play bluegrass music where I work on Thursdays at lunchtime. They're AWESOME!) So I'll miss that, but it turns out that my boss-to-be plays Irish whistles. So maybe we can start up a new lunchtime jam session, Celtic style. But the best news of all is that I will no longer have to wear nylons every day. Hooray!

The Miracle Marathon

Maybe I should dedicate this blog to the new things I learn about my husband. Here's a new one:

Last night I begged Ben to go for a walk with me and he finally agreed to go, after tons of persuasion. The guy hates to exercise. It might have something to do with the fact that he builds swimming pools for a living, so when he comes home he's ready to rest. Who knows?

So I finally convinced him that it was just going to be a walk and he wouldn't even get sweaty. Well Ben only has about 5 pairs of shoes, and one of them happens to be a pair of running shoes. They've never been worn in the 2 1/2 years that he's owned them, but I pulled them out of the box last night and asked him if he would wear them. He didn't want to because he thought it meant we were going to run instead of walk. He finally consented after I promised I wasn't going to make him run.

We walked a couple of blocks to the park and then walked around the track, and then started back for home. I was pretty antsy the whole time because I kind of feel like walking is a waste of time. I would way rather jog. But I didn't want to risk having Ben never come with me again, so I stayed with him until we got back to our street. Then I asked him if he wanted to just run the rest of the way home and he said, "Okay, do you want to race?" So I said, "Sure." So we raced home and he creamed me. Then when we got there I asked him if he wanted to go again and he said, "Yeah, that felt good!" So we went for a little jog. It was awesome! Like a dream come true! It will probably never happen again, but I'll always have the memory of the one time Ben went running.

Assimilate This

I've never seen an entire episode of Star Trek in my life. I don't think I've even seen 5 whole minutes of an episode of Star Trek. I've been married to Ben for more than 2 years, plus we dated for 5 years before that, and he's never watched Star Trek when I've been around. I didn't even know he liked the show. It's not like it would have been a big deal if he had watched it. I'm totally indifferent towards the whole thing.

Last weekend we were on our way to Las Vegas to hang out with his high school buddies when I found out that the reason we were going was to see some Star Trek production. I thought it was a trick, like Ben didn't want to tell me about it until we were already on the way there so I would be held hostage, but he swears he thought he told me about it. I thought it was going to be like on Galaxy Quest when all of the freaky fans come dressed up as strange aliens and get the cast members' autographs. I thought I was going to feel totally out-of-place since I didn't know a single thing about this series that has probably been on for 20 years. But it ended up being really cool.

It was okay that I didn't know anything about it because I wasn't even quizzed or anything. There was a museum with a timeline from Galileo's birth to the 25th century and it was all completely thought-out so there wasn't a single hole in the plot. Did you know someone even wrote an entire language for one species of made-up aliens? I think it's awesome. And there were two rides, kind of like Star Tours at Disneyland, only more interactive and 18-minutes long each.

While we were waiting in line for these rides, Ben and his friends reminisced about the good ol' days when they went to the private school for nerds who wanted to learn at an accelerated rate and the whole high school was made up of Trekkies. They gave each other Star Trek ranks (probably like captain and admiral) and watched the show every Sunday, plus reruns every night. Be used to have this sticker on his car that said Star Fleet Academy, and for the longest time I thought that was the name of their high school. Surprise...it's a space ship on Star Trek.

I learned a lot last weekend about Star Trek and especially about my husband. Now I think he's cooler than ever!