Got a Light?

A couple weeks ago, my neighbor brought over some junk he was getting rid of from a house he remodeled. He said if I sold the junk on Craigslist, we could split the money 50/50. One of the things he brought was this chandelier:


I secretly hoped that everything else would be snatched up, but that no one would want the chandelier. Guess what. My secret hope came true! So I painted the chandelier in hopes of putting it in my next house, and now it looks like this:

April Fools

How much do you want to bet that my brother is going to call today and say something like, “Can you believe Dad had an allergic reaction to his insulin and now he has to get his left leg amputated?”

Runs In the Family

Apparently my brother, Jeff, could carry a tune at age 18 months. My parents have a recording of him singing You Are My Sunshine, perfectly in tune with all of the words memorized, at Liam's age.

Liam? Not so much. Here is his rendition of the ABC Song:



Luckily, his monotone voice serves as a bit of a distraction from the fact that he has the lyrics totally wrong.
A B C F G
H L N M O P
L N M O
Q R S 2 and V
W X Y and Z
Now ABCs
Next time won’t sing with me?

On Becoming a Trace Adkins Fan

Am I the only one who watches The Celebrity Apprentice? I just watched Trace Adkins talk trash about the Backstreet Boys and I think that 20-second clip made the entire season worth watching.

Blue's Clues

I found some pants in my drawer yesterday that I don’t remember buying or owning. Normally this wouldn’t be a problem, but I can’t tell if these pants are black or blue so I don’t know which shoes I can wear with them.

I did some detective work today, and I think my clues are telling me that the pants are blue. First of all, I found them in this drawer:


And not this drawer:


Apparently when I was deciding which pants should go in which drawer (back before I lost my memory), only black, gray, and denim were allowed in the dark pants drawer. Blue non-jeans were sent to the brown, green, and white drawer.

Next I did an Internet search to see if I could find my pants online. I don’t think Dickies makes this exact style anymore, but these are very similar:


You’ll notice that while the blue pants (left) are confusingly dark (dare I say almost black?), the black pants (right) are obviously not blue.

Now that I’m convinced that the pants are blue, a tiny shred of a memory is forming in my mind. I think I can actually remember buying them. I think I’ve even worn them before. Or maybe I’m just making up memories to compensate for the fact that I’m losing my mind at age 28.

The Little Things

Liam was pretty excited about his breakfast this morning.

Supply and Demand

The other day I decided to buy brown rice because I wanted to start eating healthier. I wondered why while white rice could be bought in giant buckets, brown rice only came in small packages.

I dare you to try saying “why while white rice” 10 times fast.

So last night I made my newly purchased brown rice for dinner, and now I know why it came in such a small package. Because it’s totally gross, and too many people complained about having to throw away 4.9 gallons of brown rice after buying a 5-gallon bucket full of it.

Plus, what good is rice if it won't stick to your chopsticks?

Now I Can Live Here Forever

I just bought some of these hangers, and I think they changed my life.


Ben and I share a tiny closet, and it’s not a big deal except on Sunday morning when I’m getting ready for church. I yank a skirt from the hanger it shares with two other skirts and all three skirts fall to the floor. The skirt I thought I wanted to wear doesn’t look good, so I yank another set of three skirts to the floor. By the time I leave for church there are skirts all over the place, and instead of hanging them back up I just stuff them between the rest of the skirts.

No longer, world! From now on I will only be yanking one skirt off of its hanger at a time. Instead of searching UtahRealEstate.com for a house with a bigger closet on Sunday afternoons, I’ll be reading my scriptures and making delicious Sunday dinners. Just you wait.

Bring It On, Daylight Savings

Apparently Liam thinks no crib equals no nap. As soon as I say "sleep tight" and shut the door, he hops out of bed and starts playing with his toys. So far it's been okay because he plays quietly for an hour or two before he starts banging on the door, but this morning he woke up at 7:40 instead of 9:00. Less than 12 hours of sleep for a boy who's used to 15 makes a crabby toddler.

My first order of business today was to fix that problem. I taped aluminum foil in the windows, making the bedroom completely dark when the door was closed. It took Liam about 2 seconds to fall asleep at naptime today. Now let's hope he never figures out how to turn the doorknob.

Non-Comedogenic

Don't be expecting my facewash to tell any jokes. It's not that kind of facewash.